I don’t know when dropping 100k became a rite of passage for marriage. The truth is, the average wedding costs around that much. If you take into account the costs of the promising party (tenetha or mushmehtha), engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party, henna (which is not our cultural tradition, so stop), cost of bride-to-be’s dress and groom’s tuxedo, then the wedding itself: hair, makeup, invitations, videographer/photographer, banquet hall rental, cocktail hour, food, cake, dessert table, open bar, flowers, DJ, singer/live entertainment, choreographers, ballet dancers, violinist, photo booth, pretty-looking chavari chairs (which are super uncomfortable by the way, so - again stop), center pieces, midnight snacks or whatever else people throw in to make their weddings unforgettable has become intense to say the least. I know a few couples who called off their engagements due to the pressures of wedding planning.
This madness has become a tradition in America. Many people put themselves in debt in an effort to have special weddings. At the end of the night, it doesn’t matter if you “get back your money” from collecting envelopes. Most of the time couples are lucky if they walk away even. All so they can feed hundreds of people for a few hours after they say “I do”.
News Flash, ladies and gentlemen: the grandeur of one’s hafla does not dictate the love that couples have for one another. I’ve seen weddings that dropped 250k and ended up in divorce less than a year later.
Our grandparents can attest that their weddings were much simpler and most of their marriages lasted most of their lifetime.
At what cost must our community continue to throw lavish celebrity-style weddings to one up each other? Is anybody’s wedding celebration truly unforgettable? Let’s be honest, once I attend another wedding, I forget about the last one I attended. As a guest, I can’t help but think about how our brother and sisters back home in Iraq celebrate their nuptials. I often tell myself how this money could benefit our native land in Iraq. The cost of one wedding could help revitalize a village or rebuild one of our historic landmarks. So, can you imagine if we started a new trend in celebrating our weddings by donating?
Schools would be rebuilt.
Medical clinics can be modernized.
Public servants can be paid to do their jobs well.
The opportunities are endless if you think about what the money from one celebrity-style wedding can do to transform the lives of hundreds to thousands back home. I don’t know about you, but as an expatriate, I feel a sense of duty to serve our people back home.
I know many want to throw big, memorable weddings because they believe it’s a cultural expectation. It’s not. It’s become a competition. I know many are proud of their culture and try their best to celebrate it according to whatever standard is created. Our community cares so much about their culture and are prideful of where they come from. Yet, I know that few to none are willing to rise to the challenge of humbling themselves to raise others up.
Let’s take a moment to evaluate the current state of affairs back home:
1.) Many people from our homeland want to leave
2.) Predominately Christian villages are deserted
3.) There is little to no electricity.
4.) People live with little food and rely on rations
5.) Many are living in tents and kids don’t have schools to attend to because there are none available
6.) Limited economic stability
And the list goes on…can you imagine how you can personally help rebuild your homeland by sacrificing a bridal shower or a lavish wedding? Can we take a second to think about that? By sacrificing your glory, you can give glory to others.
Here’s a challenge to the couples getting married in the near future, especially if you have enough to stabilize your life and don’t need to collect envelopes to pay for a lavish wedding... I would like to see a new trend when I go to a hafla. I would like to see a modest wedding with simple chairs without centerpieces, no fancy table cloths, and using their wedding as an opportunity to raise funds for a charitable organization such as Shlama Foundation. In honor of your unity, you can revitalize your homeland. Now, that would be unforgettable - especially for the people back home who will benefit from your donation for years to come.
Now, I don’t want to impose on anybody or guilt anyone into doing this. Yes, weddings are once-in-a-lifetime occasions, but I think sacrificing a small pre-wedding party to donate to a charitable cause would be a cool new trend. This challenge applies to those who have more than enough to secure your future as a couple. Remember, it’s called a challenge for a reason. It is meant to be sacrificial. So, I know my expectations may seem as idealistic, but I hope someone steps up. God always gives graces to those who give.
So, let’s see who is willing to rise to the challenge. Let’s not forget our roots. Let’s not forget where we come from. Let’s remember Nineveh. If you have more than you need, simply share it with those who need it most.
(Bartella, Iraq (Nineveh Plains)
https://www.shlama.org/donate