My 2020 New Year’s resolution is to be mindful of every moment, even if it is uncomfortable or painful, because time is a precious gift. I have been able to achieve mindfulness by being “present” in all that I do. I have been more productive, positive, and present thanks to “unplugging” from social media. I have also strengthened the relationships with my loved ones.
The relationship between my father and I is what has changed the most.. By being more present, I have been able to engage in meaningful conversations with my father, Tawer Zomayah. I’ve learned more about him and my extended family over the last month than my entire life.
Now, my father is 72 years old and has end-stage renal kidney failure. He goes to dialysis 3-4 times a week and has been surviving five years of the dialysis lifestyle. I am blessed to have him alive. So, I am trying to be more mindful with the time I spend with him (although I aim to do more).
For most of my life, my father was not around. He worked two jobs during my childhood. He owned his own business while continued to work the third-shift at Temple Steel to secure an additional source of income and benefits for his family.
I remember my father already being at work when my mother woke my sister and I up for school. When we got home from school, my father would go to bed and sleep until 10pm. Then, my mother would wake him up and help him get changed. Sometimes she would even put his socks on his feet. She always had his cup of tea ready before he made his way out. Sundays were “family day” for a while until they were no longer a luxury due to more work responsibilities.
I’ve recently had a few unexpected surprises with my father. First off, he’s an impressive artist! He can freehand any picture you show him. He can draw Super Mario and Luigi, Thomas the Train, and any animal your heart desires. I am so blessed that my children have their very own artist living under one roof.
I have been more curious about my roots recently so I have been asking my father about his upbringing and my grandfather, Khoshaba Zomayah, whom I have never met. My paternal grandfather died before my parents were married unfortunately.
I asked my father what he remembered about Baba Khoshaba. He told me that he remembers hearing his father splash cold water on his face at 4AM to wake up before dawn. He worked hard to provide for his wife and 6 boys. He worked so much that my father barely had a relationship with him. His work ethic was passed on to my father as he repeated his father’s patterns.
My father also told me how Baba Khoshaba survived two genocides. The first was when he was a baby around 18 months old when his family fled Simele. My great-grandmother could no longer hold him while she was fleeing on foot and put him down. Thankfully, his aunt saw him under by a tree and picked him up. The second time was when he was about 10 years old. He escaped death by dressing like a girl.
Now, I reflect on my Baba Khoshaba as I am experiencing a tough transition in my personal life. I am not going to let this difficult chapter take control of my life, for it is in the uncomfortable moments where we grow. I’ve learned to focus on the blessings in my life and appreciate my loved ones, good health, and having food on the table. Gratitude is truly the key to happiness and peace of mind. We do not have to be victims of circumstances. We can be survivors.
It’s my turn to wake up before everyone else and work hard for my family’s future, just like my father and grandfather had done. Every time I think about staying in my warm bed to sleep another hour, I imagine my grandfather waking up in darkness and splashing ice-cold water on his face to prepare for work. Only difference is that I choose to end the pattern of unhealthy work-family imbalance. I choose to bond and enjoy my children when they’re young because time is far more precious than money.
Rather than reflect on how my lineage had endured genocide more than once, I view them as survivors. This has given me comfort now more than ever because I need it. I figure if my ancestors could survive genocide, I can handle anything. I am proud to say that I am a survivor and that I am truly blessed to be alive even if the circumstances are unfavorable.
I wish all of you and your families good health and happiness in the New Year.
